9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
