when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
