WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
