We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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