Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
