its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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