omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
