Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
