You're so nebulous sometimes
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
