The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
