woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
