Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
And then he peed in my hair
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