I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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