I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
