Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
