what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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