I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
