im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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