Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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