guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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