he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
