I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
