guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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