thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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