I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
