remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
