Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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