When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize