I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
