the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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