Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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