Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
