he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
