just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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