I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i came on her dog
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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