We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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