Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Your face is a jimmy john
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
And then he peed in my hair
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