Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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