Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
