In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
