If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
