you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize