He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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