peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize