some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
