4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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