I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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