between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
foreskin is a definite game changer
We left the knife in your bed.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I need to sanitize my soul.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
