For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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