He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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