Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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