I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
