i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
