Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
