No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
