i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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