What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you mean i was at the winter classic?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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