you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize