Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
