I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
