you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
