make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
