Don't make out with my wife yet
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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