I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
