I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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