so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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