my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
