dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
