Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
