Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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