I'm so fucking centered right now
My nipple is on Facebook.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
