dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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