Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
