Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
