go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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