how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
