I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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