Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Randomize
