You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
