The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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