I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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