just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
