I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
