so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
