are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
