I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
