I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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