My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
