At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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