The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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