My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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