i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
