he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
