you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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