I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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