i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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