ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
