I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize