I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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