You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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