Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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