wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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