Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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