i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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