How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
