I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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