White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
