Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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