My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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