So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
