Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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