I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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