either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Are we still banned from the library?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize