i just wanna soil my oats bro
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
